FIRST THING. Well, I've ditched my old Windows Live Spaces b/c I got NO comments on there so I've jumped over here instead. Anytime I feel like a blog I will chuck it on here and hopefully it won't be a waste!
Anyway. Back to the reason for being here.
After reading Frank's blog at http://www.myspace.com/frankb77, I felt like making my own contribution to the community about, well, me. Nothing too long.
Most of the stuff I write usually goes in my diary... which isn't really a diary because I just write it up on the computer and file it away somewhere... but I felt like just maybe making a summary.
The last few months... even the last few years, have been so dramatically changing for me. Two years ago I was filled with jealousy and major, major regret for doing bad things but one night I got so desperate, and I don't know how, but all the darkness turned into light... I changed Envy into Admiration. A sin into a virtue. Respect. Appreciation. And ever since, I have never had jealousy... but instead, I just get really, really strong admiration for people. Instead of hating people for having good characteristics, I could like them.
In the last 6 months I have massively changed. Because I hated my appearance so much, looking back at pictures of me, I just felt a really strong feeling to change. I didn't want everyone to look at the dull, boring loser I once was.
So I changed both phyiscally and mentally. I started straightening my hair. I've been trying out eye contacts. I've bought new clothes from Primark, Topman, JJB and Blue Inc. I have converses-look-alikes. Dark jeans. Sexier shirts ;)
My mind has also opened a lot. I've just started work again, I work in a restuarant and I LOVE IT. It's better than college!
I went to my first gig EVER which was Black Hearts and White Lies at the Walthamstow Standard which was AMAZING just dancing all night.
I also developed an interest in keeping fit. After picking up a protein-supplement leaflet I saw how sexy many of the guys looked and... as you know... instead of feeling jealous, they felt like idols to me. It made me feel like changing myself. Not for appreciation, but to feel good about myself. To "see" myself getting ripped!!!
But... and here's the weird and freaky part... I also changed in my sexuality. Guys now seem quite good-looking to me. You know, the sexy emo hair. Not dyed black, just... down and... well, I'm not gonna say anymore. Girls are still very sexy, though. Very sexy ;) But guys with sexy hair or muscles... you know... wearing short-sleeves or tank tops... I dunno. It's just sexy.
So what goes from here? I guess the next stage for me is to try and find some new friends. I am actaully slightly more "confident", if you want to put it that way, but I have always had confidence, ambition, enthusiasm and motivation ever since doing my project in Art & Design (god I love my artwork so much, just like I love Snow Patrol's music... lol) I just feel like talking to people now, I feel like connecting, instead of hiding away. I know I sound "emo" but I'm not.
One thing I must say is that I have always been true to myself. In fact, I don't know how to be "false" to myself!!!
But yeah, my attitude towards life has changed, I guess. Being a very organised person, I have sorted everything out, and can prioritise everything with ease. My insomnia which I've had for the last 2 months is now diappearing, YAY!!!
The quote from my MSN is the best thing here. "It's the journey that made me so strong." Snow Patrol. Basically I think it means that in order to get stronger, you need to fail first. You need to be weak first, you need to have sins and bad stuff in order to get better. And the quote is just sort of saying, depression was actually good for me, because it made me cleverer and strongerer XD lol
Luca Macis  |
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 | Trebor™ XstraightedgeX  Robert Cathles |
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| | Joshiee  |
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| | † The Ice King †  Frank Burtenshaw |
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